Shattered Dreams Character Read
by HermionePotter1989
Summary: This a characters Read of the story Shattered Dreams by Shadow's Liight. It is my first attempt at a story like this so I hope it lives up to the other story well enough. A few years after the experience Harry finds a diary which brings back all sorts of memories he'd rather forget. Read on to find out more because I do suck at summeries.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is my first time ever doing a character read story. In this story I am having Harry do the character read of the story Shattered Dreams by Shadow's Liight. In this story he will both read and remember things which relate to and are from the other story. I didn't feel I could simply have him read about it without remembering it as well. Please note I can only update my chapters when Shadow updates her next one so that's when you'll be able to read more. I do hope you like it and please read and review so I may know what you think of it. I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations thanks and many hugs, Hermione xxx**

Harry went up the pull down ladder to the attic something he'd not done in many years. He wondered what he'd find up here but as he could never tell it was slightly interesting to him. He saw the first box full of his uncle Vernon's college trophies and wanted nothing more than to smash up or burn the entire lot however he restrained himself from doing so. He was better than that at least that's what he kept telling himself. He then saw a box of old toys and looked inside it finding all of Dudley's old video games. As a child he'd wondered why he didn't have them but seeing the tear tracks on the cheeks of his aunt who'd so often tried to hide them told him well. They'd not had much money because anything Vernon earned was either given to Petunia as mere pocket money while he drank the rest but not before paying the bills. Ironically you could call Vernon a smart drunk if that was even such a thing but Harry of course knew better didn't he?

How could he forget that day he'd first witnessed it. **_"Vernon just gets angry sometimes" Petunia explained, turning away from the child so he wouldn't see the tear tracks on her cheeks. "I know deep down he does love all of us. I couldn't leave him even if it is the right thing to do"._** He remembered her every words. Just how long had she believed what she was saying or more to the actual point for how long had it been true. Maybe she only said those things because she really couldn't leave him. It was the first time in a long time that it had actually occurred to her that maybe Vernon Dursley wouldn't have let her go. He closed the box of toys and tried to shake the memory from his mind as he moved on. He found a book shelf at the back labelled with many different sections for the different types of books. Finding a diary of Petunia's he opened it reading it. It was from when she was a young woman and spoke of an incident at a party, moving on throughout her life as she aged.

 _I think Sam and I might have hit it off tonight if only Vernon had not stepped in and punched him. The whole party saw and it was shameful. Daddy said as I am now in trouble as he puts it I must marry Vernon lest I wish to disgrace the family. I will do it because it is the right thing to do. Maybe he won't hit me and only men who approach me. Dudley Vernon Dursley is what we called him. He was beautiful._

 _The Doctor said to me I can't have any more children. I wish it wasn't true. He said I'd been hit so many times now my ovaries needed to be removed or safety. I am so worried about leaving young Harry and indeed Dudley alone with Vernon. I have no choice however. I have begged my doctor not to tell anyone about what Vernon has done but he is insisting I go to counselling for it. I cannot leave Vernon now even though it's the right thing to do. I don't have a job and the little money I have comes from Vernon. We couldn't survive without him and it's a sad day in the Dursley household when I admit this. My counsellor says I should just leave him but she doesn't understand I can't. I love him. Sad as it sounds it is true. I do love him and I do know it's my fault it happens. I should change what I do. He gave me flowers the other day and once just once hope bloomed in my heart. We made love that night and he was actually tender with me for once. It all changed the next day however. All he's ever done is placate me and I must face this fact once and for all._

 _I don't know what to do with my life. It has all come to a head in the last few hours. I can sort of handle Vernon turning on me because I'm used to it and can at least attempt to defend myself. What hope have children? **"Let me go" he cried struggling against him.**_ Here he continued to read as the memories came flooding back to him and like a wave of emotions he felt he couldn't move as he remained rooted to the spot reliving his worst nightmare.

 ** _He was tempted to use magic because Uncle Vernon's grip was too tight but considering how uncaring the Ministry of Magic was, it could lead him to losing the only home he ever had. So thus he simply continued struggling as much as he could even as he was dragged into the living room._**

 ** _"Vernon, stop!" Petunia screamed and Harry stopped struggling only for a moment to see the large handprints on her face and neck as well as her cracked lip as well as Dudley huddled in the corner, looking terrified. He didn't have time to worry about his Aunt and cousin though because suddenly he felt the large beefy hand wrap around his throat and lift him up. He felt his vision blur and he was momentarily disoriented. He couldn't see, he couldn't speak. Was he going to die? Why was it wrong to use magic if it was to save his own life? He didn't understand._**

He turned his attention back to the diary reading once more. _I couldn't stop it. I tried so hard to stop it. I'm so weak I couldn't even protect him. Oh Lily I'm so sorry. I know I resented you for being special like mum and dad always viewed you but I should have been able to protect your son and I couldn't even do that. Why couldn't it have happened to me instead? Huh? I'm so ashamed of myself. I was weak and because I yet again didn't do what Vernon asked we all got punished for it no one more so then Harry. He couldn't even protect himself magically as it's against the law. I know from your own days at that school. RAPE! Of all things Vernon has done raping a child is the final straw that broke the camel's back. I can't believe it! Words can't describe how I'm feeling. I tried so hard to stop him I even called out but I couldn't I simply wasn't strong enough._

 ** _Luckily or unluckily depending on perspective, Vernon did throw Harry on the ground before he could completely run out of air but the boy was still too disoriented to see what was happening. He could vaguely hear Aunt Petunia's screams and the sounds of Dudley's whimpers but nothing could prepare him for the pain that came next. He kicked and thrashed but every resistance of his was met with a swift punch and a kick to the stomach that made Harry cough out blood and grimace in pain._**

 _On and on it went and I couldn't stop it. Even Dudley tried to stop him but he was terrified of getting hurt himself. I mean what Harry did next shook me the most. He wrapped his arms around his own throat to try and end his own life before us all. Being dead was better than living in that moment and I can safely say I have never agreed more. I ran over to the phone calling the police as fast as I could. I told them what was going on. Vernon was so preoccupied with Harry he didn't think to check on what I was doing._

 _ **Why? Why is this happening to me? Why isn't anyone stopping this? Why does it hurt so much? I don't understand. Sirius, Ron, Hermione, help please. Please stop him...get his hands away please. Please stop this. Please!**_

All at once the thoughts came flooding back to him. Looking at the book once more he continued as it seemed he was unable to stop reading. Maybe it had been I the attic as she'd wished to hide her thoughts away up here where she wouldn't have to be reminded of them every time she saw the diary. However she'd be reminded if it every time she saw him and that was very hard for him to take. Yes he was slightly older now but one never forgets things like this.

 ** _"Don't Harry," Dudley said in a shaking voice. "T-the Police is going to take Daddy away." He looked ready to burst into tears just saying that. "It'll be okay."_** _Dudley tried to stop Harry taking his own life and I was so scared I just stood froze rooted to the one spot. The police were on their way and that's all that counted right now. This hell would be over soon enough and she knew it. Harry had never deserved that. It is something I'll never be able to forget and I am so sorry I was so weak. I really did love him and feel he could change eventually and all because of my thoughts about him and our situation I didn't leave and then this happened. I will never again think of things the same way. Oh Harry if only I'd been strong enough to save you. You lost your parents and the only family you had left turned out to be the worst ones. You deserve so much better._

Harry was once again in his thoughts as he recalled what happened next. This house never was the same afterwards that's one sure thing. **_Harry stared at him blankly. He didn't really understand what Dudley was saying. He understood he was speaking something but he didn't know what the words were that were being spoken were. However, he did remove his hands from his throat and attempted to sit up, a sharp pain running down his spine causing him to crumble back to the ground. A chuckle escaped his lips. He wasn't supposed to move after being raped was he? He really was an idiot wasn't he? However, he didn't have much time to think about that either considering his vision was blurring right in front of him and he could barely understand what was going on. He just wanted to pass out. Nausea filling inside him, the last thing he saw was Aunt Petunia moving towards him before his world went black._**

He wasn't alone however as Petunia often had her thoughts on the matter which weren't in the diary but plagued her mind none the less. The realisations she'd come to her about herself were the hardest things to accept. I mean now she was faced with the awful truth that she'd failed as a parent as well as everything else. Was there nothing she could right? The things which happened afterwards always stuck in her mind the most.

 ** _Her eyes did water slightly as she saw the police take her husband away because he meant so much to her for a long time but she had enough. She wouldn't let herself, her son or her nephew suffer under this man any longer, not after what he had done. Speaking of nephew, her eyes flitted over to him, seeing the blood and injuries on him and seeing Dudley trying to reach him. A shiver ran down her spine as she saw how empty his gaze was and even more when he chuckled._**

 ** _Pushing in her fear at seeing him like this, she slowly approached him as the paramedics entered inside the house. She was about to speak but he passed out before she could do anything. Trying not to panic, she turned to the paramedics. "Can I ride with him?" Petunia asked the lady paramedic there who simply smiled._**

 ** _"Of course," she replied kindly. "You have a few injuries too so you should be checked out as well."_**

 ** _"Mom," Dudley quickly spoke up. "_**

 ** _I don't want to stay at home alone." The fear in her son's voice made her heart clench and a few tears filled inside her eyes. She had failed. She had failed as a mother. She had failed as an Aunt. It looked like Lily was a better mother too, out of all the things she did better. She wiped away her tears though not wanting Dudley to be more scared while seeing her in tears. This was all her fault. She had never really hit Harry but she had never stopped Vernon either and now things had come this far. This was all her fault and it always would be._**

Back in the attic Harry wept at the memories he'd read and seen in his own minds eye. He was tempted to leave the diary there but knew as he descended the stairs he could never just leave it up there. He'd carry it with him always wherever he went from now on.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Well here it is. The second chapter of this character's read. I hope everyone likes it and feels it does the whole story justice. Please read and review as your feedback helps me to understand where I can improve and so on. Thanks love Hermione xxx**

Going downstairs and folding away the stairs to the attic he went down another level to the ground floor of the house where he found Ron sitting at the table a deep frown on his face. He looked to be concentrating very hard however it looked like no amount of concentration would help with whatever it was which confused him so much. "Ron are you alright?" he asked making the man in question jump at Harry's sudden presence.

"Yeah, well, no not really actually. Have you ever heard of an author called Shadow's Liight? I found a book of hers in an old chest in the spare room we don't use much. It is called Shattered Dreams and while I've never heard of her I thought it would be interesting to read a book with this title. I've already started and it's not at all what I thought it would be. I mean the title suggests it might be about dreams as in the ones you have when you reach REM sleep but it's actually about life's dreams. But the book is a freaky one that's for sure!" he said shuddering.

"Well no I've not ever heard of that person or the book name. But then again that spare room chest is full of lot of weird nick knacks and books I've not gotten round to looking at yet. Why do you say it's freaky?" he asked as he made a cup of tea at the counter and joined him sitting at the kitchen table.

"Well ok I just thought you might know who it is because you know more than me anyway it's freaky because it appears to be about your life when you were a lot younger. It's a magical book though so each chapter updates only when the last one has been fully read. I'm on to chapter two already and I must say that although this is so hard to read I can't put it down. It' like this Shadow lady was there watching the scenes as they unfolded. Listen to me I'll read you some of it and see if you agree ok?" he asked Harry who nodded that he did. What kind of magic was this he wondered Idly as Ron flicked through to the last page of the first chapter and reciting what he saw there.

 ** _The fear in her son's voice made her heart clench and a few tears filled inside her eyes. She had failed. She had failed as a mother. She had failed as an Aunt. It looked like Lily was a better mother too, out of all the things she did better. She wiped away her tears though not wanting Dudley to be more scared while seeing her in tears. This was all her fault. She had never really hit Harry but she had never stopped Vernon either and now things had come this far. This was all her fault and it always would be._**

 ** _"Your son can come with us too," The lady paramedic spoke softly with an understanding smile. "Normally, we don't allow more than one person in the ambulance but this is a special circumstance after all."_**

 ** _Petunia just nodded in thanks, hugging Dudley close to her, protectiveness surging within her. There was no way she'd live with a man like Vernon now, considering what he had done to her nephew. Her issues with Lily aside, she found it hard to hate the boy having raised him since he was a child. Not to mention, with an unstable man like Vernon, Dudley was in danger too. She could take Vernon beating her because she had probably done something to deserve it, but Dudley and Harry deserved nothing of the sort. This was it. She was filing a divorce and informing Dumbledore the vague details about what happened to Harry - the beating at least because he deserved to tell about the rest himself._**

 ** _But before that, she needed to talk to Harry. She had never exactly been a motherly figure all her life to Harry but right now, he needed one and she was the only one who knew the trauma he had went through._ _Harry, I'm not Lily but for once I'm going to try to be...for your sake._**

"Do you see what I mean Harry? I mean this is some deep stuff. Merlin's beard Harry I never realised it was like this. I know we spoke but what little I could get from you was never this. I mean I need to keep reading to find out what happens next. Will you read it with me? I mean I know it's about you but it can only serve to bring us closer together can't it!" Ron said as Harry looked somewhere between angry and torn.

"I have no idea what kind of magic this is either but you and I both know we need to read this to the end. Ron we're close enough as it is but yes it would bring us closer in a way. Please will your read some of the next chapter for me and I'll get the dinner on. If nothing else living with the Dursley's when Vernon wasn't mad did teach me how to be a cook and a decent one if I do say so myself" he said as Ron flicked to the next chapter reading it aloud as Harry prepared the pasta in silence listening to him.

 ** _"….Petunia knew even as Harry was taken inside that she needed help. That Harry needed help. The police could take Vernon away but she was too frightened to even live in that house anymore. But would Harry's people help her? Would Dumbledore help her? After the way she had treated Harry all those years, not making a move to help stop her husband out of fear that he'd hit Dudley - the way she had treated Lily before marrying Vernon...did she really deserve help? She didn't think she was any better than Vernon but right now, she wasn't the only one that needed them. Harry needed them, he needed help. But how was she supposed to get a letter to them? She headed out, hesitating a bit in front of Harry's door before pushing it open and entering. Her heart clenched from the pain when she saw Harry staring blankly at his hands, gaze glassy and as if he weren't really there. She gently extended her hand, placing it on Harry's and the boy looked up at her, looking almost startled."_**

At this point Harry stopped at the sink tears clouding his vision. Yes the book was freaky indeed and so was this Shadow lady who'd written it but whoever she was she'd gotten the emotion in that situation just right. Did Petunia really feel like that he wondered idly? He had no real idea of her true feelings on the matter but then again he'd not asked her about them yet so could see why he was surprised. Didn't she see she'd already gotten him all the help she could? I mean her actions spoke a thousand words. He had been concerned initially that what had happened had been his own fault and that he wasn't even worth the effort but her sheer determination in getting him to safety as soon as she could said more than words ever could really. Not wishing Ron to notice he was crying he swiped at his eyes as Ron continued to read the story aloud to him.

 ** _"…Harry," Petunia said softly. "Please say something."_**

 ** _Her voice sounded pleading but Harry didn't understand why. There was no point on being upset now, everything was over. You're just a thing to be used and played with. Those were Uncle Vernon's words when he had been hurting him and he knew it was true. Dumbledore and the Wizarding World was using him as a weapon against Voldemort, hoping he'd be able to kill the Darkest Wizard of their time. The Ministry of Magic was playing him, calling him a liar and turning him into an outcast because he wasn't following their label of being the Chosen One and the Boy-Who-Lived, and what about the Weasley's and Hermione?_**

 ** _If he failed in the mission that the Wizarding World had set for him, would he really even have Ron, Hermione and the other Weasley's still support him? If they knew what Uncle Vernon had done, they'd turn the other way and decide that being friends with him was not worth the effort. He looked at Aunt Petunia. She seemed to be crying but he didn't know or understand why because it didn't make any sense that she should be crying over him. She couldn't protect him; she could barely protect herself…."_**

"Harry mate I had no idea things were so bad. You know that you're a bit emotionally constipated like me. Hermione's always said so and she's right. I mean we don't talk about things enough. My mum always said a problem shared is a problem halved. You don't have to bear this all on your own. I'll always support you. Come here!" he said hugging Harry who went rigid slightly before becoming limp in his embrace accepting the hug for the comforting embrace it was. Although it had happened many years previous something like that doesn't ever really leave the mind.

"Well Ron you know I suck at the whole expression of self. We're Gryffindor's and not Hufflepuff's so that's why we can't talk well about our feelings. It's not technically my fault. I know you're always here and thanks for the support mate. Please I'm ok now you can continue reading on" he said as Ron let him go returning to the book on the table as Harry resumed his dinner preparations.

 ** _"…They won't come," he finally said flatly. "If you tell them I was raped, they won't want anything to do with me. No one deserves to be tainted, Aunt Petunia. If you don't want to keep me anymore, I'm sure you'll be forgiven if you strangle me. I feel dead anyway." He heard his Aunt sobbing and was so confused at why she was crying._**

 ** _"H-Harry, I won't tell them the details," Petunia whispered shakily. "Just let me get their help. Let me borrow Hedwig and send your Headmaster an owl. I don't want to take Dudley back into that home either."_**

Did he really feel like that he wondered? Now of course that he knew better it did seem silly that he'd ever felt like that. I mean he was exceptionally vulnerable still which is why he'd thought no one would want him anymore. I mean who wants someone whose been tainted and marred in such an awful manner. It was the wizarding world and who was to say they even had crimes such as rape there. He couldn't have been guaranteed they'd even understand what had happened to him much less want to help him if they did. He glanced up from the pot to see Ron now wiping tears from his own eyes quietly. It was a rare thing for Harry to see Ron expressing so much emotions in one go.

"Harry you're like family and we all love you. I'm so sorry you ever felt like we'd abandon you. I can only imagine when you live under someone as base as Vernon you tend to think everyone will abandon you once they figure out you've been abused. It's not true mate. We all love you and I could never imagine a life of mine without you in it. You must know that. No matter what happens we'll all be here. Most of us wouldn't even be here anyway if it weren't for your bravery in second year. I'm sure as hell Ginny would agree. Oh Harry!" he sobbed getting up and hugging him much tighter this time. It was a hug which was a bit too much but never as much as Molly's thank god. Her hugs could smother anyone if they kept them going long enough.

"Well thank you Ron. When you've been to hell and back literally like I have you don't always think you're going to survive or even that you're worth saving as I did. It's very hard not thinking who'd want you as a friend anymore and the like. It's hard to not feel like an emotional burden on everyone. Ron you'll always be my best friend. Thank you for always supporting me as best you could as that will always mean more then you think. Please continue dinner will be ready in five!" he said as he started to plate up the food.

 ** _"….Albus Dumbledore was in his office, working on some things for Hogwarts since it was pretty late in the morning, 3am and he was finishing off some official documentation when he caught side of a familiar owl fly towards him and a frown covered his features. What was Hedwig doing here at this time? This was odd because there was still time before the school year had to start and he was concerned. Was Harry alright? He had been keeping the Ministry under control from here so that couldn't be an issue._**

 ** _However, he dismissed his own thoughts opening the window and taking the letter from Hedwig's mouth as she flew inside and opened it, seeing from the downcast look on the owl's face that something was seriously wrong. It was a letter from his Aunt Petunia._**

 ** _To Professor Dumbledore_**

 ** _This is Petunia Dursley soon to be Petunia Evans again. There has been a major incident in Privet Drive involving myself, my son Dudley and my nephew Harry. I, under the request of my nephew will not disclose many details of this incident other than the fact that Vernon has crossed his limits and hurt Harry in a terrible way. He has been taken into custody by the Muggle Police but Harry needs to be out of here and I need protection. Not for myself but I'm fearful for Dudley in case Vernon ever gets out of prison._**

 ** _I know you have no reason to help me so I'll accept any scorn I receive from you due to the way I have treated Harry and never raised a voice to stop my husband's treatment but please help Harry. He's become so distant that he doesn't even seem to see what's happening around him. He needs your people now. Please. Help me for Lily's sake. I'm alone and I have nobody to support me and my son but I know I won't let my son suffer from Vernon's abuse if he ever gets out of jail. Please help us._**

 ** _Yours sincerely_**

 ** _Petunia Evans Dursley…."_**

"I had no idea she'd written such a letter. I knew Professor Snape came to us but not that she had written a letter. I do remember her asking if she could and even agreeing that she could so long as I could sleep. In that moment I really wanted the darkness to take me away. Here's your dinner. Move up please. Thanks!" he said sitting beside Ron and tucking in as Ron did the same. Even to this day it always amazed him how Ron could still stuff his face with food, convey his feelings and read all at once. Had he grown so used to him that he could merely decipher these things now?

"I didn't know about the letter either. This is a sure sign that even there your aunt wanted to try and right things. Not always all bad. I can feel her fear here in the words and it's freaky to say the least. Vernon is rotting in hell right now I hope!" he snapped before gaining some self-control lest he blow up a plate or something by accident.

 **"…Mom?" Ron said sleepily. "Have you seen the time? It's way too..."**

 **His mother cut him off. "Ron, dear, make space in your room. Harry's coming right now."**

 **Ron woke up immediately at that, all signs of sleep gone from his face at how frantic his mother sounded and the fact that Harry was coming here right now. "Mom? What's going on? Is Harry alright?" His heart had begun to race in fear, worried about what could have possibly happened to his best friend that he had to come here immediately and the tears that had come into his mother's eyes didn't tell him anything positive.**

 **"I'm not sure dear," Molly said sniffling. "But Professor Dumbledore came here and he says Harry's uncle has hurt him and his relatives in a horrible way. His Aunt and cousin will be spending the remainder of the night here before Dumbledore will move them to a safer place."**

 **Ron's heart sunk when Molly said that Harry had been hurt in a terrible way and he couldn't imagine what it could be. Had Vernon physically abused Harry? He always knew his best friend's uncle was verbally abusive and neglected him but what could possibly be worse. Either way, Harry needed him right now so he would think about and ask Harry in the gentlest way possible on what had happened to him. Right now, he simply nodded to his mother.**

 **"There's always room here for Harry," The redheaded boy said fiercely and knew even if he didn't have room, he'd make it for his best friend. He bit his lower lip, trying not to let different scenarios fill up inside of him because that was just scaring him half to death. He leaned into his mother's hug, taking her comfort and offering her some too but for some reason, he had a bad feeling about all this, a feeling he didn't like at all…"**

"Harry I was so worried when I heard you'd been harmed in any way. I feared the worst that the death eaters had gotten to you or something but couldn't have known that something much worse than any death eater out there had harmed you. I was so hoping you'd be alright whenever you did arrive. I knew from mom that she didn't even yet know or understand what had happened to you a thing which freaked me out completely. I was never used to seeing my mother looking as if she felt so useless in all of her life. She usually knew just what to do for every situation but didn't in this circumstance!" he said as he gobbled down his dinner.

"Well Ron in situations like that no one ever does know what to do or say but anyone who makes the effort is an amazing person in my book. I'm annoyed he went straight to Snape like that. What could that jerk do laugh at me? I mean he hated me already enough. You know I was more surprised at how shocked he looked when he'd seen me. I thought he'd laugh or sneer but the colour drained right out of his face and he had this look on his face which said that he had more of an understanding of where I was coming from or something than he'd ever like to admit to me or anyone else. I don't know what to make of his expression but I feel he might have seen someone abused in his line of work shall we say!" he said as he too continued eating.

The story continued on an on until Ron reached the last paragraph. **_"…He wasn't going to let Petunia suffer the same fate that Lily had but he had never been good with emotions so he simply went into business-mode. "Nothing that dramatic will be necessary. Petunia, you need to come with me to talk to the muggle doctor into discharging Harry. Dudley and Harry will be okay for a little while." It bothered him how silent Harry was since he would usually say something but he didn't dwell. There were more important matters to tend to right now…"_**

"Hmm that's interesting the second chapter is now done but I don't see the third one?" he questioned as Harry who was deep in thought snapped out of it.

"Well it is magical so maybe we need to wait until this Shadow lady feels like giving us the next update. I'm not comfortable with the fact that someone knows so much about what happened to me but reading over it like this is like a sort of therapy as it's helping me to internally face some problems I've had my whole life. Anyway Ron I'm knackered so I'm off to bed now and I'll see you in the morning!" he said hugging Ron before going upstairs to his room to sleep.

"Goodnight Harry mate see you tomorrow. Sleep well!" he called after Harry who was already ascending the stairs. He had the diary with him and would be reading more of it as and when he could. He was so lucky to have a friend like Ron and damn he'd never forget it as long as he lived. Ron had always been such a tremendous support to him even to this day.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Here's the next chapter and I hope you like it. Please read and review and I hope it does the story justice. I've enjoyed writing this. Love Hermione x_**

Harry tossed and turned wildly. He jolted awake and it had been years since he'd had a nightmare. He couldn't remember what it had been about but had this cold feeling in his body which told him it had definitely not been about Voldemort. He'd had those all his life. He was used to those kinds of nightmares but these ones plagued his mind leaving reeling and feeling highly unsecure. He thought back to Hermione when she'd hugged him the first time after it had happened and of how secure he'd felt. There was always something so secure about the loving touch of a woman who wasn't his aunt Petunia but more like a mother of comfort to him. He glanced to his side smiling as no one had been disturbed by his nightmares. She was of course at work by now with her unusual working hours. He'd forgotten momentarily as he didn't wish to disturb anyone's sleep. He always seemed to care more about how others would perceive him and scaring them away then anything else. By now he knew of course that feeling like that was silly.

Going downstairs he began to brew the coffee and as he made some toast he saw that the book was now floating and glowing a silver colour. As he touched it, it landed down on the table once more. Chapter was there and as he opened the book he could see it there. He knew he didn't have the strength or confidence to read it alone so he'd have t wait for Ron who was currently in the shower to come downstairs. As he began eating his toast and drinking the coffee Ron came in and got himself some cereal and a cup for his own coffee.

"Morning Ron did you sleep well? Another chapter of that book arrived just this morning. Would you read it to me?" he asked kindly.

"Yeah mate I slept well. Oh is it that's interesting. Yes I'll read it just now. Did you sleep well?" he asked as Harry looked at him seriously.

"You know I had nightmares but thank you for not mentioning it to me. It helps when you don't mention it to me!" he replied taking a sip from his cup. Ron opened the book flipping through to the now available third chapter and proceeded to read it.

 ** _"...Even as he was brought into the Weasley Household, a place that once felt like a sanctuary, Harry felt empty. He was glass, ready to break, needing only the smallest touch to destroy every defense he'd managed to make in all of his life..." At this Harry looked up in surprise. He'd definitely felt those things but right now those feelings were far from him. I guess when you'd been through what he had it was only resaonable that he'd feel out of sorts for a while no matter where he went. He had known they meant him no harm but it didn't mean he would automatically feel comfortable just because he was in his very best friends home._**

 ** _"...Harry's eyes widened, almost fearing that Ron would reject him. He couldn't. No one could. Once they knew, they would run. Every single one of them would see him as disgusting vermin. They would see him, just as he himself right now..."_**

"Harry mate I still find it difficult to believe you could ever feel this way about any of us. We would never ever view you as less then you are. Surely you must understand this!" said Ron tears once more brimming in his eyes. He loved his best fried so much that when he hurt Ron also hurt. He just knew he always wanted Harry to feel safe no matter where he was. He was always so used to finding a sanctuary at home that he often forgot that when you've been through all Harry has he might not think of the house that way any longer.

 ** _"...Wrapping one arm around his best friend, he put on his most gingerly smile he could muster before saying, 'hey c'mon. You're shivering. Let's get you to a bed, mate". He squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, but the moment his hand touched, Harry flinched and was staring back, almost as if he couldn't see him, or more like he didn't recognize him. Fear shook his eyes and his lips trembled. 'Har'...'No Uncle Vernon, no!' Harry shouted in horror scootin back. Sweat covered him and his face as pale as Ginny's. 'Please, Uncle Vernon' he whimpered almost inaudible. He stared straight forward but when he looked, he didn't see Ron. No, he didn't even see redness in his hair. All he saw was that large man he called his uncle. He could see his round, purplish face changing tones and his beefy chest heaving up and down, and his fists curled at his sides. When Ron grabbed him, Harry felt massive meaty hands try to take control of him and once again, he felt as if he had no control. He could feel the filthy touch,the intrusion all over again and had begun screaming, crying out in pain until cold water hit his face. The world froze as reality materialised around him. A cold moisture dripped from his face like the tidal wave of emotions he felt inside..."_**

"Harry I'm so sorry I couldn't have known what had happened to you sooner. I know I would probably never have known how to behave around you but I would have been as sensitive as I knew how. It was never my intention to bring you back there and I think you know that. I would never wish to harm you like that. Hermione did always say I had the emotional range of a teaspoon but the truth is we were both emotionally constipated. All I can say without saying too much is I understand. What's that muggle phrase you sometimes use? Oh yeah been there, done that and wore the t-shirt. That whole thing with MacNair in the war was no picnic although it's not something I like to discuss. Sometimes none of us knew what to do but we always got there in the end somehow didn't we?" said Ron tears spilling down his cheeks as his insecurities showed for what they were. He was laid bare his feelings on the table so to speak as Harry looked at him tears also spilling from his eyes. It was the first time Ron had addressed what had happened to him in the war years later when MacNair had captured him.

"I'm so sorry Ron. I never meant to do that but I couldn't help what I saw. I have no idea why I saw that as you're obviously not Uncle Vernon. As we get older things become slightly easier to deal with even if they never leave the mind. I have never asked you what happened with MacNair but all I will say is that if it was anything like the way I suffered I can see why you've not said anything to Cho or any of us really. I find talking to Hermione about it s hard!"he said glancing at his wedding band before looking to Ron once more.

The fireplace bust to life as Hermione stepped through looking a bit green around the gills. She didn't even have time to acknowledge her husband before she ran to the loo and threw up. She'd been feeling awful of late and couldn't explain why. It was for this reason that she was now sat in the bathroom clutching the piece of plastic as though her life depended on it. She was waited and the positive result made her cry tears of joy and shock. It had been unwanted but would be certainly cherished and loved. It was something herself and Harry had just begun discussing. He was determined that no one should ever have to have the childhood he did including that disatrous event in his life which he'd unfortunately never forget. He'd thought many times about erasing it from his memories but could never bring himself to do so. He always felt that to do so would be an easy way out and not very Gryffindor of him. She re entered the room and sat beside Harry pecking his lips gently and thinking of how to tell him he was going to be a father. For years now Harry, Hermione, Ron and Cho had lived together as two married couples in their manor. They all preferred it this way and seemed to function well as a family unit as a whole. There was always enough space for them to have plenty of privacy if they ever wanted to.

"Harry we need to talk!" Hermione said her voice quivering with nerves. Harry however was still reeling from Ron's revelation earlier that he'd had a less then savoury experience with MacNair when he'd kidnapped him during the war.

"Yes Hermione what is it?" he asked her glancing at Ron who still had the book open in front of him and was reading it silently to himself for a moment.

"That thing we discussed the other day has happened!" she said her voice quivering slightly with excitement.

"Hermione we discuss loads of things which thing was that?" he asked her clueless about what she had been referencing. Typical man she thought chuckling slightly.

"The...oh for goodness sake. Men I swear you can be so clueless sometimes. Here!" she said handing him the positive test shocked when he cried his eyes out.

"Oh Hermione...you have no idea what this means to me. I get to be a father and a good one at that. I don't know that I rightly know how to love a child properly what with my ow childhood being so horrendous but I do know what not to do. I will try my best but I ask you to be patient with me my love as I try to learn how to show love to a child!" he said as she smiled up at him.

"Harry you're wonderful with Teddy. You'll be fine! Oh Ron I'm so happy!" she said hugging her other best friend who was overjoyed for them.

"Oh my goodness you guys I'm so delighted for you. I begs godfather rights. He or she will be so spoilt!" he said as Hermione declared she needed to return to work. Even Harry couldn't deny that working through these problems whilst reading that book before he hand children could only do him the world of good. She left after a quick kiss from her husband and Ron continued to read the story. Cho was up the country visiting her family for a while but would be back later in the week. He'd opted to go with her but she'd wanted some alone time with her parents.

 ** _"It's their fault. It's all their fault. If they didn't have stupid rules about the use of underage magic, this never would have happened. I could have defended myself! I could have cursed him and I'd still be ok! I wouldn't...I wouldn't be...Hermione quickly assessed the situation and moved forward wrapping her arms around Harry and pulling him into a hug. Harry feeling the familiar arms of his female best friend, buried his head in her shoulder, more tears falling. He couldn't explain the relief he felt from crying and the comfort of being away from the horrors he'd faced back there. Her arms didn't feel scary; they didn't feel as if they were restraining him there like Uncle Vernon's, like Ron's had felt earlier when he had tried to hold him but Hermione's didn't. This was both confusing and puzzling as to why, but he didn't question it"_**

"Harry mate I had no idea. If I had I wouldn't have tried to hug you close. I am so sorry I ever made you feel like that. All I've ever wanted is for us all to feel safe and I become heartbroken when I realised I'd only served to hurt you more. It was never my intention. Don't worry Harry we can heal together. Even I've realised I'll need to tell Cho about MacNair when she returns. You'll be a great father of this I'm sure. I'll always be on hand to help you out anyway. I mean you are my brother after all well considering that blood ritual we did years ago, we're blood brothers and I'll always have your back never forget that" said Ron hugging him tightly.

Harry smiled his head off. It didn't feel awkward at all now. Nowadays he relished hugs from dear friends as he grew to realise the only threat that had ever been actually serious was Uncle Vernon and he was gone now so he no longer had a need to worry about anything.

"Oh Ron you didn't do anything wrong. I was just a shocked and frail mess and to be honest being hugged by any man would have sent me spiralling into fits of panic. You couldn't help it and neither could I. I've come to accept that me feeling like that was very normal and nothing to be ashamed about. I can say it's something I've battled with for years but finally come to accept. You'll always be my brother. Blood brothers in life and death forever and ever!" he aid hugging Ron tears cascading down his face. Ron then picked up the book as he was coming to the end of the third chapter.

 ** _"...Harry had panicked when Ron had touched him but had been reasonably calm when her and Ginny had... could there be a particular reason that Harry was fearing the touch of males? Could it be... oh no, Vernon Dursley wouldn't, he couldn't do such a horrible thing. But it was the only explanation she could find based on the information she was given. Her face paled, something which Ron noticed. 'Hermione? Hermione! What is it? You're as pale as Harry was moments ago!' Ron cried, waving his hands in front of her face and she snapped out of it, trying to think and not make Ron as panicked as she was. She wasn't sure about this, after all, simply assuming based on something Ron had told her but she didn't think Harry would be open to talking about something like this - but she had to know. 'Ron, I have a guess to what Harry's Uncle may have done,' Hermione admitted quietly. 'I'm not sure Harry will open up to us about it though if it really is what I believe though...' 'What? What is it?' Ron said, eager to know clearly so he could help Harry. Hermione hesitated, before grabbing Ron's hand and pulling him aside. 'Alright, but you can't say a word of this to anyone in your family yet,' Hermione said staring deeply into the redhead's eyes and Ron sobered, nodding seriously. She leaned close to his ear, whispering her thoughts and Ron went as pale as she was. The brunette winced, having expected this since the idea of such thing was dark and unimaginable. Sure, things like this happened all the time in the world but the idea of something so horrible happening to their best friend was something she couldn't even bear to think about and knew Ron was in the same boat..."_**

"You knew then? Well I guess they don't call my wife the brightest witch of her age for no reason. Thank you so much Ron for never judging me differently even though you knew. I didn't realise you had known before we'd discussed it later. It would seem yet again we need to wait for the next chapter. All of the emotions captured here couldn't be more apt. So come on Uncle Ron let's go and look at room colour samples!" he said with a huge smile on his face but still highly dazed about this new adventure he'd be taking on in a few months. They left via floo for the paint store with Ron feeling closer then ever with his brother.


End file.
